Inappropriate

بلا قافية “bila gafiya“ This is an extremely useful and wonderful little phrase brought to my attention by a friend in Jordan. The way he explained it, you use it when someone says something that could be misinterpreted, much like how English speakers use ‘That’s what she said.’ The example he gave was someone saying لانه صغير (‘li’anoo sa3’eer’ – because he/it is small) with the appropriate douchey response being بلا قافية. ...

If you want to communicate effectively with Egyptian friends, you’re going to have to know how to properly disparage, praise, and express tepid enthusiasm about events and people. In Egyptian, the three main words you’ll need to do this literally translate to “balls” “cream” and “solid.” -The word بيضان (‘beydan’) comes from a slang term for testicles (which, incidentally, literally means eggs) and is used to say that something is lame. As in, الحفلة بيضان – The party is lame. Sometimes when someone that you’re out with is being annoying or difficult, I’ve heard friends say ايه البيضان دا which literally translates to ‘what is this ballsness.’ Go ahead and put that one in your back pocket for later. ...

UPDATE: It has come to light that the phrase يضرب عشرة (lit. ‘hit ten’ and a common Egyptian euphemism for masturbation) only, apparently, applies to men. For women, the equivalent euphemism is تضرب سبعة ونص or ‘hit seven and a half.’ Many questions have emerged in light of this discovery, including but not limited to: Why do men get more what I presume to be fingers than women? [I believe the answer we’re looking for here is ‘patriarchy’ but if there’s a reason a bit more specific than that, THE PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW.] Why do men even need both hands? Doesn’t that seem frivolous to you? Why half a finger? WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?? What are the other two and a half busy with while this is going down? Ugh. Arabic, your mysteries are boundless. ...

يضرب عشرة “yadrab ashara“ To masturbate. #Sorry #NotSorry

يا ولاد الجزمة “ya welad eg-gezma“ Similar to, but different from, ‘bastards.’

أفلام ثقافية “aflam saqafeya” You might–very logically, I might add–guess that the phrase “cultural films” may refer to some aspect of Egypt’s golden age of cinema, a genre of cultural documentary, or anything along those lines really. …but nope. It really just means porn.